Motivation at the end of 2020…
What is motivation? Is it a thing that I have, or a thing to be had? Is it a fable designed to “motivate” someone into action?
If it’s a thing, maybe I have some. I’m motivated to do all of the innumerable little tasks around the house. Doing and putting away the laundry, going to the store, watering the plants, doing the dishes so they do not pile up (though I’ve really never understood why that one wouldn’t happen)… But then I realize that after all of these tasks, I have depleted the motivation thing. I then have none left for projects, or creative endeavors. Photography, kayaking, hiking, they’ve all taken a hit, fallen at the wayside… Why try? What’s the motivation?
Sanity maybe. Maybe sanity is the motivation, or what can substitute as the concept of sanity. For me it’s motion. Motion is the motivating action of sanity. Get out. Do. Forward progress doesn’t need to be fast for flashy, but must ‘be.’
I’m done with sitting. This year, as it is for all of us, is killing me. I’ve put my life on hold and not found a replacement. Therefore I am ready to skip the winter. Enough sitting in the dark. I want it to be spring and summer again. Under normal circumstances I would be looking forward to hunkering down for the winter, doing some skiing, and recharging from a fast paced river season. But now we’re verging on having idled over much. It’s getting harder to start.
Motivation? I have plenty… but what do I want to be motivated about?